So, you know when you’re contemplating trying something new? I’m talking a risky kind of new, not like calamari for the first time. A big kind of new. Something you’ve avoided your whole life until now. You toy with being daring and spicy, it sounds exciting. This decision-making process is shorter for some, longer for others. For me, I typically tend to think things out pretty well prior to acting, letting it ruminate so as not to “do anything stupid.” Sometimes I’ll surprise you (and myself) and be spontaneous.
It’s a fine line between YOLO (you only live once) and YADI (you’re a damn idiot). Cheers to those who can find that sweet spot and strike the right balance. I did not in my recent experiment. I don’t know if I experienced some sort of later in life adult peer pressure. Is that a thing? Well, not even peer pressure. No one was telling me to do it so I guess more like FOMO? All I know is, it’s recently come to my attention that a lot of my friends have been doing it. I’ve been surprised by how many actually. And it’s been a tough couple of years. It could be fun. I did not anticipate the disaster ahead of me. I’ve literally seen ZERO people have the reaction I ended up having that night.
I’ve been replaying the night in my head. What was I thinking? It’s absolutely positive to reflect but at some point, you can cross the line into detrimental. I’ve been beating myself up, mentally, though I do have some visible and physical reminders (on my body) as well. Have I punished myself enough yet? Suffered enough?
I normally believe in no regrets. I say that I don’t want to take anything back that I’ve experienced because it made me who I am and good or bad, I’ve learned and taken something from it. It shapes you. But I don’t know about this one. This might be one that I’d rather take back if given the chance. I learned from it, sure, but I don’t think I needed it to be who I am today. I already appreciated my life.
So, where do we go from here? If you’ve been there, if you can relate…don’t let it define you (enter my usual reminder to forego labels and boxes). Just because you do or try something one time, that does not make you a lifer. You don’t dye your hair once and now you’re a blonde. I mean, you could be but what if you don’t like it? What if you find it’s not for you? It was a mistake and we all make them.
We can’t take it back. It happened. But what we do going forward from here is what matters most. Ask the important questions. Is there something bigger going on with me that impacted this decision? Am I okay? Are there issues that need further attention and support so I can make better, healthier choices in the future? Address it and then let it go. Stop punishing yourself and reliving it. Onward and upward. It’s time to move on.